Monday, February 21, 2011

Personal Mantra

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer”

—Zora Neale Hurston

Never before have I said so many words, so many times over in my mind. Beautiful, simplistic, infinite. Over the past year, this quote has become my personal mantra, my inspiration to trek forward. In its simplicity it has kept me grounded and yet stirs a drive deep inside my soul. Starting this blog is a way to share ideas about ways to live courageously.

Last year as I was coming to the end of a 10-month apprenticeship program, I was given this mantra from a friend. Together, 30 of us had completed a program that was equally grueling and rewarding. It was an adventure of constant questions, as it was my first experience after graduating from college. The change from college classroom to office cubicle caused my mind to fill with doubt about my future.

  • How will I know what I am doing at work?
  • Will my friends forget about me?
  • Can I really become self-reliant?
  • Is the non-profit sector right for me?
  • Will I ever be able to afford my car insurance?

It did not help that everyone around me seemed to be in an equal state of panic. Before starting the program last year I started a blog, which I had hoped would chronicle my adventure in the workplace and fellowship. I posted once. I took a glance at it the other day and tried to remember what my intention had been. Originally, I thought I would show my friends what my 9-5 was like. Perhaps I would offer some grumpy humor for the new and unexciting chapter in my life. I’d lay all the office drama out on the line, describe the hardship of living on a stipend, and maybe describe my job pranks.

Deep down, I was terrified. This move into the workplace meant I was no longer a kid. So, how was I going to come to terms with that?

For a long time, I felt unbalanced and left any hopes of insightful blogging far at bay.

But one day, my confusion was replaced by confidence. I have no idea how it happened, but like the summer between junior and senior year, suddenly I had all the answers… Or at least I stopped searching for answers to questions. Suddenly, I felt content, balanced and alright. Changes and growth took place without me knowing. The first year in the program challenged me to question a lot about myself that I decided to come on for a second year. Maybe the answers would simply come.

So, why blog now?

Here I am another year older, with a birthday fast approaching, and I have high expectations for next year. Unease is a challenge, but its not forever. Its something I constantly remind myself, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

I really want to not only chronicle my adventures, but I want to provide a way to tackle our barriers. I am on a path to find balance, happiness, and maybe even some answers—and I want to take everyone with me.

No comments:

Post a Comment