The Food-Happy Concept

Diet.

Wow. Something about that word just screams misery.  It embodies all the feelings of deprivation, starvation, "no you can't" and "but I must."  Even the thought of a diet makes my head hurt and my belly churn.  

But being in the fitness and wellness biz, I hear it all the time, and sometimes even from my own mouth (gasp!)  Recently, I have had a lot of people ask me about diets so I figured I would lay it all out there.

I have been victim to this epidemic multiple times.  Trying to find something, anything, that makes me feel better.  Over the years I have tried many things.  I was vegetarian for 8 years, a vegan for a year, a "whatever-imma-eat-that" for some time, and then back to vegetarian, then wedding-dress-panic, lemonade cleanse, then strict paleo, etc.  The thing about all these diets, is that I can comfortably say that I have tried A LOT of things, and have discovered what exactly works for me and why.

My whole life I have been active, athletic, and a lover of food.  I remember being 10 years old and being proud that I could eat a whole pizza by myself.  That was a bragging point.   I exercised because it was fun—life was a game and I freakin' owned it.  Bagels were awesome, cheese was amazing, and I’ll have a sprite with my cupcake please.

Then at some point body issues creep in, and I became aware of what "fat" was, became aware of what foods "made me fat" and acutely aware that the opposite sex does not find fat attractive.   I workout because I must, I dieted because that’s the way to win at life, and I drove myself crazy because, goddamnit, I want to be sexy. Cue the diets!!!

I can tell you what eventually worked for me, and how you can do it too.

Step 1. Get rid of your scale. Unless you are trying to lose over 50lbs, the scale will just literally make you crazy. Here I am at 125lbs (the lightest I had been since middle school):

AND here I am at 148lbs (on the heavier side that I've ever been):

Whoa, what a heifer, right?

So, throw out the stupid scale. I fit into the same clothes I did at my wedding weight as I do now. (Unless of course I do a lot of arm/leg stuff one day and I feel all "swole.") If you follow all the other steps, the numbers won't mean anything to you anyway.

2. Stop counting calories. Eating is fun and eating is delicious, and math is not. If you turn your eating into a chore, a punishment, you won't EVER feel satisfied at the end of the meal. Instead, think of your food as a necessary and crucial part of your day. Feed yourself when you're hungry, not when you're bored and stop when you're full. Easier said then done, right? Follow step 5.

3. Do something active each day, but don't always put a measure to it. High intensity training is all the rage, and I wholeheartedly agree that it works, because it does. But there is a limit. Your body needs both low intensity and high intensity to function. Think about high intensity workouts as high stress moments. Imagine if your life consisted of riding roller coasters every single day. Eventually that adrenalin rush or euphoria will lessen its effect. Same thing if you went to a massage every single day. The effectiveness of both decrease over time. But, alternating between high intensity, low intensity, moderate intensity, etc will keep your mind and body on it's toes. Set a goal to workout hard 3-4x a week, while the rest of the week is committed to yoga, walking, light jogging, and/or biking.

4. Start a food/exercise log. This was extremely helpful for me. Not because I wrote down amounts, calories, or nutritional facts, but because I started to see patterns. I noticed that if I skipped breakfast, I usually had a much bigger lunch, had no motivation to workout, and slept poorly. If I ate a really salty snack (chips are my favorite) I craved sweets at night. Just by writing down what I ate and being accountable for my habits, I saw how the choices I made throughout the day effected me for days after.

5. Eat food that makes you feel good. This is the hardest thing for most of us, myself included, to get right. But if you get this right, everything else becomes easier. This is how I finally stopped dieting and just started eating right. The bottom line is you need to find food that makes your mind and body happy. That means food that tastes good going in, feels comfortable moving around inside and is smooth coming out. That doesn't mean eating baked macaroni and cheese because you looooove cheese and pasta, but suffering through bloating and farting for hours. I am not talking about devouring ice cream after a long hot day and suffering through a sugar headache all night and next morning. These are examples of mental comfort food. The foods that we see as "treats" but are not really treats at all. They make us feel sluggish, bloated, gassy, achey, unsexy, and are keeping us fat.

I started this journey of food-happy discovery when I was vegetarian. I realized beef doesn't mesh well with me. We aren't friends, so I avoid him. Then when I began vegan, I realized all those Greek yogurts I was eating made me feel gassy and cheese made me constipated. They were taken off the favorite list. Then I tried paleo, and I realized I don't digest quinoa well and bread makes me feel bleh. But, I still couldn't quite figure out the food-happy concept, and I kept going back and forth between foods I like and foods my body actually likes. Saying to myself, "well I LOVE beer, so I'm going to drink it anyway!" I kept fighting it because I was trying to commit to set "diets" rather than listen to what exactly I needed.

Then in June, I committed to a 3 weeks "cleanse" which focused on specifically finding the foods that did not agree with me. Liz, founder of free + abel, and the host of the cleanse, and I have talked about our love/hate relationship with the word cleanse. Despite it being exactly what it is, "cleanse" has been used recently to describe a "quick fix" for weightloss, which is NOT what this particular cleanse is. The 21-Day Cleanse Liz runs is about much more. It was the final push I needed and provided me with all the proof I needed to change my eating habits for good. Within a week I felt more energy, within 10 days I found my abs, and by the last day, I didn't crave any of the foods I missed. I have kept many of the habits I learned from that cleanse and I am a way happier eater. I think the key was finding the "Rachael diet' or the foods that make my belly happy. There is no book for the Rachael diet, because it's made just for me.

That's how it should be!

Do yourself a favor this Fall and commit to making your mind and body happy. Know that there are days when you fall into old habits, but they will get fewer and fewer. If you are interested in the cleanse, reach out to Liz directly at liz@freeandabel.com. Get in tune with yourself and all the rest becomes easy. Cheers!

No Time Like The Present

My post yesterday was actually written over a week ago.  I was struggling with getting back into the groove of routine, specifically my workout routine, after weeks of excitement--personally and professionally.

What I didn't know was that that very night, after I wrote that post, my perspective would be drastically shifted.

Last Monday, my husband lost his uncle.  He was relatively young, had a lot of life left in him, and didn't give his family and friends much time to prepare for his passing.  This is the second death in my husband's family this year, and this one hit him hard.  My husband is the hardest working person I know, and yet he is still amazingly giving to anyone who needs him.  He never complains at work, he rarely expresses impatience, frustration, or even annoyance with me (and I can be annoying.)  He just gives and gives and gives.   I could never do what he does, work Monday through Friday, then sit in school on the weekend.  Without envy or complaint, he gives up nearly all of his little spare time to others.  To top things off he had a medical scare that really shook him.  My heart just broke for him.

Phone calls with your mother can always make things better (or at least mine can.)  After listening to me cry and scream, and say things like "why can't we catch a break?! Everyone else has it so easy" she reminded me of something so important, I better never forget it again.  It doesn't get easier.  We just get better at dealing with it--whatever IT is.  Kids, house, job, money, health--there will always be something that tests your patience, your sanity.   There is no, "well, once this is over things will be better."  Or, life would be so much easier if I only had _______.

When a person leaves you relatively suddenly, you begin to think about all the ways you live your life, and if how you spend your time, your energy, is the way you really want to spend it.  For me, it made me really appreciate the people in my life that I love, and how precious each interaction is.  I worked extra hard not to stress the small stuff.  And by small stuff, I mean the things that I will not think about on my deathbed, like the extra $300 I shouldn't have to spend to fix my car mirror that I didn't break.  Or the $100 to take the cat to the vet, which didn't solve the cat's problem.  Or the day(s) I didn't have time for a workout.  Or even the bellyache I had after having delicious cupcakes.  None of these annoying inconveniences will matter in the end, so I really tried not to spend my time being frustrated about them.  

What I can control is how I treat myself and how I treat others.  I can decide to make choices that enhance my well-being, rather than deter me away from my personal goals in life.  As a couple, we decided to take care of ourselves.  My husband has decided that he will take time, everyday, to do something that he loves. Something that will make him happy.  He can't control the hours spent at work, and he knows he chose to follow his dreams by going to school on the weekend.  But he can choose not to be miserable when he has the time.  For that, I truly admire him.

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.” Dumbledore 

Back. So fresh and so ready!

So, I’ve had this blog for a long time and for the past year it has been left dormant.  It’s not because I don’t love it, or I ran out of things to say, but rather, life happened.  In the past year and a half, I got engaged, switched jobs, planned a wedding, my parents separated, I married my love, and I started teaching and training at an amazing CrossFit affiliate in addition to staying loyal to my other yoga center, Empowered Yoga.  So I mean…I had things to do.

By starting so many different things and new stages in my life, I am learning heaps and it’s tremendously exciting.  Even more exciting, is the amount of questions I have.   So, my dream is to use this blog again as an opportunity to explore all this with you all again. 

I hope I am not alone here, but I thrive on curiosity.  I need stimulation and speculation, doubt and fear.  And nothing tests that like walking into a situation as a brand-spanking-new beginner.  Trying something new forces me to test my mental and physical strength, and nothing is more eye-opening and humbling.  It’s uncomfortable to walk into a room full of people who (whether assumed or not) are not as brand new as me.   I go through the stages of thinking, will I be decent at this, will this be uncomfortable, will people be nice to me, and of course, why the heck did I want to do this again?!  My first time walking into the CrossFit gym, I did so knowing that I had committed to teaching—so I had to do it.  (Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to be awesome at all those crazy lifts and upside-down things, and I wanted to look really good.) But when I walked into a room with a ton of buff, good-looking guys grunting and lifting heavy things and ladies cranking out pull-up after pull-up, there was that moment of ‘OOPS,’ and mapping out the quickest exit route.  That moment when you say to yourself, ‘Nevermind, I am okay just the way I am.’

But we’re not. 

That’s why we wanted to try something new.  We can see our potential deep down and wanted to give that awesome self a chance to shine.  The only thing standing in our way is our mind.  We all know the first time at anything is a little terrifying, but we can allow that fear of the unknown to light a spark deep inside.  

Over the weekend, I took a friend from CrossFit to a workshop on asana and mediation.  She is one of the veteran CrossFitters; being there from the very beginning and feels very comfortable lifting heavy things.  I, on the other hand, am now a veteran yogini and still feel more comfortable on my mat.  We take each other out of our comfort zone and have been teaching each other a lot.  The added benefit of seeing someone going through something we went through for the first time is enlightening and humbling all at the same time.  But, I digress.  So in this workshop we revisited the principles of meditation and I was reminded of the way the mind works and how often it stands in our way.  Meditation is not about thinking of nothing, but rather just noticing your own habits of thought and working to create a calm and peaceful mind.

When you let your body remain still and you begin to notice the mind, it doesn’t take long to realize the mind is a noisy, noisy place.  While practicing meditation in the workshop, I envisioned my mind as a sky, with my thoughts being these swirling clouds of noise.  It’s here in the clouds that I have my thoughts of mediocrity, doubt, asking what’s for dinner, am I going to like this and of course, when is this over (just to name a few.)  I notice that my thoughts circle back, even when I notice them and try to “put them out.” 

 

It took time, but by the last sitting in meditation, I found my breath.  For a brief moment, it was calm.  I could hear the breath in my lungs and it felt like energy.  I was calm and relaxed and the best part, I felt open.  But then I thought, ‘this is awesome!’ and it was all downhill from there.  The thoughts were back, but this time they were positive.

Where am I going with this?  I’m almost there—patience, santosha.

January is a great time for people to decide to change their life’s path, exchange old habits for new, and to set goals to be better people in the New Year.  It’s usually a combination of our minds and bodies telling us what we want and deserve to be, and we set forth with our New Year’s Resolutions.  We set A LOT of goals and we intend on keeping them.  But come February, the mind begins to grow tired with all our big plans and high hopes—learning something new is hard!  The mind begins to quit before the body ever does.  In between workouts we give our body rest, but we never really thing about our brain. 

 

Therefore, I propose that in order to reach our new goals (physical or not—give your mind a break—and meditate.  We need our mind to push us, to give us motivation, and to drive us.  But if overworked, its influence begins to backfire.  So maybe try something new and different—try sitting and breathing.  

Looking Ahead and Above

I haven’t written a blog post in a very long time.  First, I didn’t want to write inconsistently, so I wanted to make sure that if I started to write, that I would continue to write strong and interesting posts in a timely manner.  With that being said, honestly my head was just not in it.  Since April, my life has changed in so many exciting ways.  I got engaged to the love of my life, with which has led me to explore a whole new world of pretty planning.  Then, I closed one chapter of my life and started another at a new job in a totally different environment.   I began teaching yoga four days a week, often subbing for other teachers whenever I could.  And lastly, I started eating meat and consequently dropped 9 pounds. (More on that later)

I didn’t know where to begin.  My life began to follow an unchartered path and it was (and still is) just as scary as it is exciting.  The other day I actually used the word scary (among other more positive ones) to describe to Matt all the feelings I was having regarding our wedding.   He looked at me sideways and said, “Now that’s a word I would not use to describe my feelings toward our wedding.”  At first I was shocked.  I mean this is such a huge decision we are making, a lifelong choice, a true and soulful commitment—how could you not be just a little bit scared?  So, then I had to examine what it was that I really meant by scared.  Was I scared that I made the wrong choice?  Not one bit.  I knew in my heart when I was in Kenya, calling Matt on a satellite phone, that he was someone very special.  I was sitting on the ground, with my back against a large African tree while Matt sat on the curb outside his NJ bank.  We didn’t need to say anything of substance; it was just the excitement in his voice that let me know he really cared. 

So if I know I am making the right decision what am I scared about?  I could say that I feel too young, but that wouldn’t be entirely true.  Ever since I was a little girl, my mother has told me to not get married young.  “Don’t date until you’re 30!” she would say; although I threw that advice out the window in high school.  My father focused on my sports and academics.  My mother focused on my emotional strength, my interests and talents.  Together they raised me to be independent and confident.  As a consequence, I was not brought up with visions of me as a bride, and neither of my parents ever spoke to me about the fantasies they had about their little girl getting married.  It was not really talked about.  I’m at fault too; on my end I couldn’t ever picture my own wedding because how could you envision a wedding if you had no idea who you would be meeting at the end of the aisle?

But despite not exactly being encouraged to think about getting married, when the time came I knew my parents would want no one else but Matt to marry me.  Perhaps the timing was earlier than they expected, but no one has since asked me the question, “Are you ready?” so I take that as a sign of their confidence in me.  Personally, I was definitely taken by surprise and was in shock for a number of days. 

Yet that is the beauty in our love story.  It’s always been about the unexpected, going with my gut, my heart, and trusting it will steer me right.  Without going into detail, there are a lot of people who would have never guessed Matt and I would go out together ever.  Then, they were more shocked when we saw each other on more than one occasion during the first week.  Weeks later, no one could have seen it coming—that I would be writing him letters from across the world, hoping he would be writing me back.  But that’s the way we are.  We know what we want, what we like, and we just do it. 

And with that I found myself deeply in love and engaged at 24.  So again I ask, why am I even a little bit scared? 

The answer came to me eventually.  Really it’s something I’ve known all along, but didn’t want to admit.  The scary feeling comes from none other than a pesky little insecurity deep inside me.  It stems from a fear—ideas and feelings I have had about my own vision of my success.  Have I accomplished enough?  Am I still interesting and exciting?  Have I lived up to my potential?  It goes on.  This fear interferes with my drive to write blog posts, gets in the way of me deciding on a career, and in other small ways just creeps up on me.  Essentially I’ve had to take a good hard look at myself and see that despite all the beauty and love in my life, I still allow one single question to stand in my way.  Am I good enough?

After coming to that realization, I actually became relieved.  This is something I had control over.  Fear can be overcome.  I could change the way that I feel, and I had the ability to harness confidence and greatness.  Granted, it will be a question I will probably ask myself over and over and over again for the rest of my life.  But lucky for me, I will have a new husband who loves me and will always remind me that despite my fears, I am—and always will be—awesome.

Now if only a wedding could be planned that easily…

Look at me Now

So one year ago today, I began a regular, dedicated yoga practice.  September 7^th, 2010 was the first time I had step foot into a private yoga studio, and my only experience prior was a limited collection of DVD’s, a college fit class, and one failed attempt at the Y.  Then my most current and continual yoga practice had been with Tony and his P90X version of Yoga X.  I worked hard to figure out the poses, but I was still in my bedroom, on carpet, using my make-up mirror for alignment, and blasting myself with a fan whenever I got remotely sweating.  All of which was quite different from the yoga I would begin when I started practicing at my current studio.

Truth be told, I actually had my first exposure to yoga at 14 years old.  One day I sneaked into the basement and popped in a Jane Austin “Power Yoga” VHS.  I did that tape almost every day for 3 weeks, and it wasn’t cool for a young teen to be doing workout videos in her basement—alone—so I didn’t want anyone to find out.  I was afraid of letting my friends do it with me, because yoga poses were a little strange and some made you fart.   I figured if I got flack for doing Tae-Bo at age 12, then yoga would not go over any better.   

Before long, yoga started to become more main-stream and I also grew old enough to not care what people thought.   By that time my VHS died on me and I had other DVDs to try and friends to try them with.  However, for the most part, yoga was still something that I did relatively on my own and randomly.

Ever since I physically could, I was a competitive athlete.   It was just natural to work hard and push through to the end—soccer, ice skating, softball, basketball, track, ultimate Frisbee, hiking, everything was competitive to me. 

This was obvious even at a young age. 

Easter egg hunts were not simply a fun, holiday game—oh no.  My cousin Pete and I could turn this and any other family activity into a full-blown battle.  It was necessary to warm-up and stretch before a game of Monopoly—and forget poker—you might as well bring your bullet-proof vest.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it.  But recently on my journey to adulthood (which I’ve barely started), I stopped fighting other people and I began fighting myself.  Not like in a good competitive way, but in a let’s-beat-myself-to-exhaustion-with-no-end sort of way.  With no particular sport to play anymore, I became the sport.  And I was losing. 

So it was a perfect time in my life to finally pursue yoga.  Despite my awkward start with yoga as a teen, I always knew in my heart that I was in love and it would eventually become a regular part of my life.  There was something different about it that felt really, really good even when I was immature and relatively unstressed in life.  Yoga practice was a chance for me to push my body, but still be kind to myself. 

What I didn’t anticipate were the enormous changes that would take place in my life from beginning my yoga practice.  Mentally and emotionally, personally and professionally, inside and out.  I would have never guessed that within a year I would be this physically fit, madly in love, engaged, working at a new fantastic job, certified to teach AND teach yoga.  To some these all might seem unrelated, but I know in my heart that it is completely related. 

Am I bragging?  NO. 

I was terrified to begin this journey, was filled with self-doubt and frustration, and even struggled to continue.  But I got through it and now—one year later—I am blown away by where I am. Shocked.  And there is nothing special about me; anyone can do this!   Maybe yoga isn’t your thing, but everyone has their thing.  Find it and get after it.

September is about fresh starts and new beginnings.  If you want something, NOW IS THE TIME. 

Fourth of July

On the Fourth of July fireworks rain across the skies, barbeque aromas ride the wind, watermelon juices drip down faces, and our nation’s colors soar in the breeze.  We gather on porches, in backyards, at parks, and monuments.  We are asked to slow down our daily routines and remember our nation’s history, our invaluable freedom, and traditions that have formed our lives one memory at a time.

As I child I remember being proud of my father, grandfather, uncles and aunts, and all others who served in the military.   I was proud to wear red, white, and blue.  I longed for fireworks all summer.   And there were never enough hamburgers and hotdogs to keep me satisfied.  At that time, lightning bugs and lemonades measured summer nights.  But now that adult summer is here, I am finding myself thinking about this holiday in a slightly different light.

On this day 235 years ago, our nation declared its independence from Great Britain.   It was an end of an great era and the start of something even more monumental.  Not only would our country survive against the odds, we would thrive—changing the world forever.  It’s hard to believe our Founding fathers had any idea what the future would hold for the country they created.  Rather, I imagine all the boys planning their big move, damming the British, fighting long and hard for years, signing the Declaration of Independence and then promptly asking, “Uhhh—now what?” 

More often than not, ending something is not the most difficult part—it’s beginning something new. 

For this reason, Independence Day is well-timed in my own life.  At the end of June I completed a two-year apprenticeship and entered July with a future unknown.  It felt like a day of independence when I finally graduated.  Countless hours, long days, and difficult work brought me to the moment of graduation—the completion, the end, the start of something new.  It felt like I was signing my own declaration of independence. 

When our Founding Fathers decided to fight to end British control, they did so in search of freedom.  They sought the freedom to grow into whatever they desired to become.   And they started a nation that has done just that.  America has explored, invented, expanded, and recreated.  We started out as nothing more than an idea and now we are a great nation known throughout the world.  That is simply amazing. 

And yet, here I am over two hundred years later, and my freedom scares me.  I keep asking myself, how could I be scared of the freedom to begin something new?  How could I dread the unknown?  American was built on the freedom to learn, the freedom to create, and most importantly—the freedom to be great.

Well, I refuse to let fear get in the way of becoming something great.  So on this fourth of July, I am breathing in the original American spirit.  In the words of Mark Twain:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Whose with me?!

Simply because Independence Day is a great film :) 

Job Searching

Job searching has ignited an identity crisis within me.  It starts out fine, with a simple question of “what’s next?” and then before I know it I am questioning my own vision of myself.  So, it comes to no surprise that I am finding it extremely difficult to find a job that I believe fits to who I truly am. 

So, what do I want to do?

That is a question I have been playing around with lately.  As the job search rages on and I look forward to next year, I must ask myself what do I want to do?  Sometimes this question gets mixed up with, who do I want to be?  The second question is easier than the first.  I want to be a great daughter, sister, and friend.  I want to be a wonderful fiancée (and future wife!)  One day I even hope to be a loving mother.  I also want to be healthy, fit, happy, caring, and a resource to others.   However, when I think about what I want to do it’s a bit more open.  I want to continue to write and let my words touch others.  I want to help others reach a better part of themselves, through healthy living, self-confidence, and encouragement.  I want to teach yoga to anyone and everyone who is curious enough to step on their mat.  I want to interact with people, I want to feel productive and helpful.  I want to work more with my hands (and no, typing doesn’t count).  But where is a job description for that?  I haven’t found one.

I believe this identity confusion is a result of centuries of evolution into our modern day 9-5 work schedule.  Often we find ourselves defining who we are based on what we do.  This makes our job choice feel like a hugely powerful and defining decision.  It’s not entirely our fault, as we are conditioned to think like this.  It is totally normal for someone to ask, “what do you do?”   But if someone asked, “who are you?” we would back away slowly, with a confused look on our faces.  It was much easier when I was a student.  I could always respond with what I was studying at school or what I enjoyed doing with my free time.  I was always just me--a wide-eyed college student studying ideas, thoughts, words, and actions.  I was a proud student of life.  At that point in my own life, it was impossible to separate what I did Monday through Friday with who I was as a person—they were intimately connected.

But as I grow up (*sigh*) and get farther from the physical classroom, there is a greater struggle to define who I am and what I do.   This evolution is natural and it’s all part of our journey.   So whether I hate it or not, I must face it.  Inevitably, those first questions about doing and being lead to the big question, what do I really want?  I’ve always known that I never wanted to be the person who is miserable from 9am to 5pm and then lives for the weekends.  That would feel like a life too rushed, segmented, and ultimately disconnected.   “There is more to life than increasing its speed,” Gandhi.    

For me, I must be mindful in my movements, but I cannot get bogged down anticipating the next step.  While practicing yoga, you cannot force or rush through the transitions from one asana to the next.  If you do, you risk getting hurt.  Therefore, I must be patient and yet determined to find a job that I believe in, that I am passionate about, and is in line with my values.  Working for a greater purpose.   

In order to work for a greater purpose, we must find a purpose from within.  Perhaps that purpose is providing for a family, perhaps its helping others in need, maybe it is buying a house of our own.  Whatever that purpose is, it is yours.  It is who you are and your reason for doing that can define you—not your job title.

So, as I work through finding a way to make an income, I must always remember my current job: a lifelong student of living. 

Keep Calm and Carry On

This week has been like surfing during a tsunami.  Crazy amount of adrenalin and excitement, followed closely by a storm of “oh my god”.

So as some of you know, last weekend Matt and I got engaged! It came as a total surprise and we tried to keep it between us for as long as possible.  And for the record, he was totally smooth.  So, all weekend I was riding on a high.  It started out as shock, then pure shrill excitement, then this floating, weightless feeling of joy.  By Sunday, I felt as though I was glowing.  Throughout my childhood and even into my teens, I was never one of those girls who envisioned her perfect engagement.  So when Matt was standing there with a ring and a proposal to spend the rest of our lives together, I was beside myself with emotion.  Feelings surfaced from a place deep within my heart.   Physically I felt like I was standing towards the sun, arms open wide, heart open, and my gaze to the sky, the whole world to see my happiness.

My emotional balance had of course been thrown off; the excitement caused me to lose sleep, I was mentally moving at a speed far faster than normal and my body tingled with pleasure.  Everything was wonderful.  But with every high, comes a low.  And that low came mid-week.  It was as if suddenly all the reality and the gravity of what was to come, tumbled down upon me.  Questions of finances, family, time, and decisions all came to me quickly.  Then as things often work, Matt and I had our first disagreement with the “planning” of the wedding.  As minor as the situation was, my emotional panic was anything but.  I realized at that moment, sitting at my desk hot with frustration and confusion that this was going to be a lot for me.

I went out to a local bookstore in Wilmington, hoping that perhaps I would find something—anything—to level out my mind and ease me back into normalcy.  (Don’t get me wrong, I loved the ecstasy I had felt, but after came panic—so something in between would be alright with me.)  Almost immediately my gaze fell on a bright pink book with white letters which read, “Keep Calm and Carry On.”  Nothing could have been more appropriate.  The book fit into the palm of my hand and was filled strictly with one-liners from famous people worth quoting.  But to me it hardly mattered what words I found inside, for the words on the outside already worked for me.  I bought it without hesitation.

When I practice yoga and something becomes a struggle I am unable to ignore, I drop down into child’s pose.  It’s the pose of comfort, calm, and rejuvenation.  With your arms reaching out in front of you, palms and forehead on the ground, while your bum rests on your heals, it feels as if you are surrendering to yourself.  The moment is yours to just take a deep breath in, and then let that breath go.  After I have recovered, I push myself up into a downward dog.  To me this is a sign of carrying on—pushing your palms into the mat, heels pulling down, and stretching through your spine is like waking up in the morning.  It awakens you slowly.  When I saw the words “Keep Calm and Carry On,” I couldn’t help but think of child’s pose and downward dog.

I knew then, as I had known all along, that I will get through every stress that comes my way for not only do I have a man who is an amazing support to me, to us, but I have my yoga asanas that are always there to calm me.  

Much of this journey is going to be balancing emotional highs and stressful lows, knowing that in the end I will have a new beginning with the one that I love.  I cannot think of a more exciting time for me and at the same time I know the process will not always be blissful.  I know have a tiny pink book, grounding yoga poses, and the love of my life to help me through.

And I did eventually open the book and so far this quote has helped me conceptualize our engagement, as nothing has changed, but everything has changed:

“After a day’s walk everything has twice its usual value.”—G.M. Trevelyn

What's with the heat?

Yesterday was a wonderful, almost record-breaking, hot April day.   The sun was out and smiling, as the wind gently made its ways through the streets.  People were outside laughing, running, driving with the windows down and even grilling.  The smell of burgers and dogs nearly made me turn around as I walked to yoga.  Oddly though, it did feel strange to feel the warmth on my skin when just last week I was bundled up.  It was cool and overcast when I went into work, then nice and toasty when I left.  It reminds me of my initial feeling when I walked into my first heated yoga class.

At first the heat hits you like a brick wall; your breath fills your chest with heavy fear. We get uncomfortable that it feels so hot, we begin freaking out and breathing noisily through our mouth, letting our chest fill with anxiety.   We begin sweating profusely and curse all the people around us who are seemingly calm and collected.  But perhaps most of what makes the heat so exhausting is dealing with our own perceptions of comfort.  That’s all it is; fear of the unfamiliar.   I will write a post about the importance of breathing, but today it’s all about the heat.

If it’s such an emotional and physical challenge, then why do we practice in the heat?

Practicing yoga in the heat is nothing new, as they have been practicing in the brutal summers of India for centuries.  What is (relatively) new is the commercialized, year-round, temperature-controlled, American Hot Yoga.  At the studio where I practice, we have two rooms, both kept heated 24hrs/day, 7 days a week.  Depending on humidity, the room can be kept anywhere from 105° to 95° degrees (for example 40% humidity in a room set at 95°F feels like 99°F).   Now when it is that temperature outside, most of us wouldn’t venture out to do anything, let alone intense physical exercise.  As I said before, we must question our own perceptions of comfort in order to open our eyes to the many benefits of practicing in such crazy heat. 

We are all familiar with warming-up the body before physical exercise and we know it’s important.  But I would venture to guess that you don’t actually know why it’s important.  Let’s start with the base level.  Our capillaries respond to heat by dilating, which brings more oxygen to the muscles.  This process helps in the removal of waste from the muscles, such as lactic acid and carbon dioxide.  Blood then moves more easily through warm muscles, making it easier for oxygen to release from the hemoglobin. Heat also speeds up the breakdown of glucose and fatty acids in the body.  On a muscular level, heat makes our muscles relax, improving elasticity, and making us less susceptible to injury.  With little warm-up needed, we are able to go into postures more deeply and easily, and have a greater range of motion.  We are more flexible in our joints, muscles, and ligaments.  Warm muscles also burn fat more efficiently than cold muscles.  As the EY teacher manual explains, “Fat is released during stress.  The stress of intense exercise causes a deluge of fatty acids in the blood stream.  If you exercise with cold muscles they can’t use the fatty acids, and they end up in places where they aren’t wanted, such as the lining of arteries.” 

So what about all those people sweating like crazy? If I get a complaint or hesitation from anyone, 9 times out of 10 it’s regarding their distaste for sweat.  Is it gross? Yes, but without a doubt its very beneficial.  The more people in the room, the higher the humidity, and the more you sweat.  Humidity itself facilitates healthy lung function, especially in protecting against colds, respiratory problems, and the flu.  Sweating is also fantastic for your skin.  I’ve had people tell me, “I feel like I just had a facial!” as they leave class.  Essentially, you did!  The heat and our sweat opens up our pores and helps release all sorts of toxins.  Be careful practicing after a night of adult beverages! And do NOT practice after handling hot peppers, like jalapeños—a lesson learned the hard way!  Either way, our sweating will leave our hair and skin glowing, refreshed, and moisturized.

Despite my first experience practicing in the heat being weird and a bit nerve-racking, now I absolutely love it.  I look forward to the heat and usually embrace the sweating, as I know I will leave class relaxed.  So don’t knock the heat until you try it!

The Spice of Life

Well, today you are all in for a treat!  Below is our first featured blog post by my boyfriend Matt.  Enjoy!

The Spice of Life

            Today was a beautiful day to be outside, if it were only 30 degrees warmer.  Winter in the northeast is always a tough time get outside to do something fun and stimulating.  How many times can you go bowling or to the mall?  It is technically Spring and Rachael and I are so tired of not being outside, so we found a place where we can have fun with the illusion of being outside—The Delaware Rock Gym.

            Yup, an indoor rock climbing facility.  Pretty cool, right?  I had never done any rock climbing, but I was really pumped up to try it.  When we get there, the inside looks awesome.  Some walls are straight up, others are funky and angled.  It took just one look; I'm ready to go.

            To get us started, an employee gets us into our harness, goes through a quick safety routine and gives us some climbing tips (both of which I barely listen to because I'm distracted by the rock walls), and gets us started on an easy first climb. 

            Rachael goes first and champs it.  She ascends effortlessly and in the back of my mind I'm hoping I look just as good on my turn.  Fortunately, this first climb was more of a "feeling out" climb, and I had zero problems navigating the route.  Also, this first wall was not as high as the others we would be climbing, being only about 25 feet.  So, the fear of heights was not yet a factor.  Our next climb though was going to be much more challenging.

            We were told the next route was only slightly harder, but we could see it was about two and a half times higher.  Rachael goes first again and instantly impresses the employee who is belaying us.  He shouts out instructions, but it seems like she doesn't even need them.  When she reaches the top she leans back away from wall and is lowered down to the ground.  She smiles and says it was harder, but I don't believe her.  Ok, again it’s my turn.

            I start climbing and at first it seems effortless.  Then as I reach about two thirds of the way up, I can't find a foothold.  As soon as I peak down at my feet in an attempt to find one, I notice how high up I am.  Holy shit that's high!  All of a sudden I notice my forearms burning and my heart beating faster.  Panicking, I think I'm in trouble.  I hear instructions being shouted to me for my next move.  Regain your focus, I tell myself.  Now I listen intently to what my next move should be.  With determination I listen, move, and continue to climb.  When I reach the top and it's a rush.  As I get lowered down, I can't wait to start the next climb.

            We did 2 more climbs after that, each one with a new level of difficulty.  We got a chance to climb funky angles and scary heights.  With each climb, we also had to combat our screaming muscles.  When we finally left the gym, I felt like I was on a climbing high for hours.  To think just this morning I had never done this before and now I’m hooked.  I proved to myself how essential it is to try new things.  To be a total beginner at something is exciting, nerve racking, a struggle, but also rewarding.  If I had let my fear of heights have power over my day, I would not have known what it was like to reach the top of the wall.  Being scared is not easy, but I believe we should embrace these feelings and not run from them.  Use them to push you through your fear.  Rachael even said she never looked down, thinking her fear would stop her from climbing.  I would have never known!

             Learning new things and trying new things always keeps my mind stimulated.  I try to seek out these opportunities.  When was the last time you gave something ALL of your attention, or you were totally immersed into what you were doing?  When I don't know what I’m doing, I tend to listen more carefully and become totally engaged, like when I was two stories up and felt stuck on the wall.  Or when Rachael introduced me to Ultimate Frisbee and I spent days on my own learning how to throw and how to play the game.  She even dragged me on a 10 mile hike through a Hawaiian volcano when I had never gone hiking before.  It was a pivotal moment for me when I finally reached the summit—exhausted, sweaty, but empowered.  In these moments of struggle, you must give it your all. 

I never want the excuse, “I don’t know how” or “I’ve never done that” to rule my life. I believe that continuing to challenge yourself with new adventures and activities will greatly improve your life.  Even if it’s just to prove something to you and no one else.  You'll learn more about yourself and hell, you may even surprise yourself.  So give yourself that chance.