Trigger Happy Part 2

#137.8

That was the number on the scale this morning. As I have mentioned before, I don't believe in measuring your worth, happiness, or beauty based on the number on the scale. In the past, I have fallen victim to this, daily checking my number, stark naked, to make sure it didn't go up.  And guess what?  It did!  Somedays I would wake up with it 5lbs heavier that the day before.  Then it would go back down, then up again, and then when it was getting closer to that time that makes you hate being a women, it would go up a whopping 10lbs.

I stepped on the scale this morning because a fellow yogini admitted that she still struggles with obsessing over the number on the scale.  This pretty little lady has been a regularly practicing yogini for years.  At first, she stuck to the Hatha yoga classes, which mean less movement between poses, longer holds, and overall less "athletic" of a practice.  Not any less hard, just different.   In the time period she has started practicing Vinyasa, or flow-style yoga, which can be really intimidating for a lot of us.  She has gotten stronger, both physically and mentally, and has even decided to start her own teacher training program.  She has a lot to be proud of!

But this conditioning to base our daily confidence on the scale is just setting you up for failure.  Unless you are significantly overweight and have weight-loss goals of 50+ lbs, I don't recommend weighing yourself often.  Even those with significant weight to lose, I wouldn't weigh yourself more than once a week, as there are so many variables during the week that effect your weight.

In general, the daily weighing of yourself can go one of a few ways.  First, your weight stays exactly the same and you've already decided you hate that weight.  How do you win?  You've already decided that weight is not desirable. Second, the weight (like mine) fluctuates daily, weekly +/-5lbs.  Now you've made yourself crazy trying to figure out what exactly is going on.  Third, the weight starts to slowly go down and you become obsessed with it.  You develop unhealthy relationships with food and exercise in order to keep that number going down.  Overtime, you may waste away into a person you don't recognize.  Or, it can go up slowly and you think, 'well this is it, I might as well give up.' You stop caring and start to detach yourself from your body.  

The last two are obviously extremes.  (And I should note, I am no dietitian, nutritionalist, doctor, or therapist.  But between my close friends and me, I have seen all of these instances occur.)  When I woke up this morning I thought to myself, 'I don't have to go on the scale to write this piece.' I tried to come up with excuses as to why it was silly, but then I realized that I was succumbing to the very thought-process I wish to eradicate. So, I ate my full cleanse-approved breakfast.  Two slices of gluten-free bread with almond butter, herbal chai tea, and my cleanse shake.  I read a little article on aging yogis.  Then I walked myself downstairs to dust off that old scale of mine.  I kept all my PJs, took a deep breath, already deciding that whatever number came up, I wouldn't care about it.

And you know what?  I didn't! It was weird, the last time I stepped on this scale I was getting ready for my wedding and each reading had such an emotional response from me.  But today, nothing.  I have been 137.8lbs multiple times before. I have felt "fat" at 137lbs, and I have felt thin at 137lbs.  Today I just feel normal.  And that's the thing, it about what you feel.  I felt great after having my yummy breakfast.  The sun is out and the humidity is gone.  I have a day filled with teaching yoga and writing.  I went to sleep last night at 9am, so I feel rested.  All of these things which make me feel like having a great day are NOT on the scale.  137.8 does not represent all that I feel today, all that I can do today, and does not weigh the smile I have on the inside.  It doesn't mean much to me.  

Could you imagine the emotional roller coaster that would be if you truly cared about those little ups and downs on the scale?  I can tell you that no one else seems to notice them.  What people DO notice is confidence.  When you feel good when you wake up, you can't help but look beautiful.  Smiling during interactions, laughing at the small stuff, enjoying the Fall breeze.  Taking a sip of a delicious Chai Tae Latte…THAT radiates beauty and happiness.

To bring this back to those who are unhappy and uncomfortable in their bodies and want to start feel better, it does start with listening, not assessing.  I've said this before but I really mean it.  Start a little daily journal and use it as a "check-in."  Write how you feel upon waking, write how the different foods you eat throughout the day effect your belly.  If you have a Greek yogurt for breakfast and it was delicious, but 2 hours later your stomach is gurgling and acidy, note that.  Begin to find your own path to being food-happy, and belly-happy, and all around happy, by listening to exactly what works well with you.  When you eat the foods that love you, and you eat the amount that hugs you, your body will begin to feel like your own again.  That connection, between mind and body, will never be measured on a scale.

Trigger Happy: Part 1b

After my last post about my food-happy concept, I received a lot of feedback from friends, clients, and family. I am so glad that people have connected to, been inspired by, or found comfort in the post.  But I believe it was a start of a larger conversation, and today I was reminded of just that.  For that reason I am launching a little mini series of posts I'm calling "The Trigger Happy" series.  I'll consider last post as Part 1.

For the past couple of months, I have been disappointed with my yoga journal subscription.  Over the years, it has gone from a magazine filled with thought provoking articles on love, life, meditation, nourishment, and yoga asanas (poses) for all humans to a typical girly magazine littered with material advertising, yoga "quick fixes," tag lines like "yoga to tighten up that core!" and "clothes to highlight your yoga curves."  It was sad to see the change, as it seemed this would be the one magazine that could change the cultural conversation.  I decided not to renew my subscription, and today my final issue came in the mail.

As some of you know, my yoga girl-crush is Kathryn Budig, a fun-loving, beer-drinking, talented yogini, with curves to boot.  She happened to be the cover model this month, which makes my heart dance a little bit.  She has been a "celebrity" yogini for many years, training big names like Giada, creating a DVD for Gaiam, and being the naked girl in the ToeSox ads.  When she did those ads, she was 25 years old and in amazing shape.  Over the years she has found love, aged 7 years, and put on some weight.  Yoga Journal asked her what she thought about looking at her 25-year old self, and this was her response,

I don’t believe in changing anything, but it has been a challenge to watch my 25-year-old body turn into a 32-year-old body. It is not depressing; it is the evolution of a woman. This body, whether it is 10 pounds skinnier or 10 pounds heavier, can still do those postures because it is strong. I stay focused on what I feel, on the results. I have a lot of love in my life, and I didn’t have that when I was 25. If I get hung up on what my body looks like, I am losing track of my goal, of my aim.

The whole article was great, and I encourage you all to read it.  For me, it furthered the conversation about finding our happy, and specifically, making our relationship with our body a happy one.  As I said before, being in the fitness industry is tough, because there is a lot of emphasis on how you look, with the occasional "how do you feel?" thrown in as an afterthought.  I've known people who do not have an ounce of fat on their bodies be completely miserable and I know people who've put on weight and glow with happiness.  

I think the most important step is changing our perspective.  In the article, Kathryn alludes to the challenging yoga world, where the ideal aesthetic is long and lean.  As a curvy girl, she has been called "brave" for showing her curves.  Her response is simple, being curvy and rocking it is not brave, going to war is.  We aren't made to look the same, so it's not brave for those of us who have them to show our curves, its just how it should be.  Same thing if you have a naturally thin body, do you girl.  It's not brave to love how we are, it's just challenging.  Even then, it's a problem we created ourselves. We make it complicated when we are perfectly healthy and relatively happy, but we look at the cellulite on the back of our thighs and say, "I would be so much happier if that was gone."

I have a long history of bad-mouthing my assets, but over the years I have made a conscious decision to stop. I have been open in my classes, talking about my "CrossFit thighs" and my "yoga booty."  I have extra meat on me in different areas, but those are all signs of what I do, where I've been, and who I am.  Don't fight the natural you.  (Of course there are times when I am uncomfortable, like when I eat/drink too much of something or of the wrong thing.  But we must recognize the temporary discomforts and separate them from living in constant dissatisfaction.)  When you speak positively about yourself, it doesn't mean you are 100 percent OK with your body, but you are living with it and loving what you have today.  Then you empower and give permission to other people to do the same."

But, then there are real life issues we encounter and must face.  So, if you are truly unhappy, or if you are truly uncomfortable in your skin, its time to touch base on exactly why.  I had a student come up to me to inquire about the cleanse.  She feels uncomfortable in her skin, knowing that something isn't right.  I've known her long even to know that she has suffered in the past couple of months (possibly the last year) through physical injuries, emotional traumas, big life changes, and more.  These kinds of stresses have taken a toll on her body and she doesn't feel like herself.  Her body isn't representing who she feels she is.  She, like many of us, lost connection to herself, her physical self.  I've been there and when you're there, you know the difference between being superficially unhappy with the way you look and knowing deep down that something else is going on.

This is an example of when you can look at where you are and make changes to get back to you.  It's not about losing weight here, its about attacking the stressors that have put on the weight.  Because the physical weight isn't the issue, its the emotional weight that lives inside.  Shew!  That can feel heavy, right?!  

If you are feeling this way, and are not sure you are ready to take on any major changes yet, I challenge you to simply start "checking in."  Start a daily journal and give yourself 5-10 minutes each day to express anything you want. Write down how you feel, what's up with you, or even a quote that spoke to you.  Once you start that conversation with yourself, you're on the path to trigger your happy.

The Food-Happy Concept

Diet.

Wow. Something about that word just screams misery.  It embodies all the feelings of deprivation, starvation, "no you can't" and "but I must."  Even the thought of a diet makes my head hurt and my belly churn.  

But being in the fitness and wellness biz, I hear it all the time, and sometimes even from my own mouth (gasp!)  Recently, I have had a lot of people ask me about diets so I figured I would lay it all out there.

I have been victim to this epidemic multiple times.  Trying to find something, anything, that makes me feel better.  Over the years I have tried many things.  I was vegetarian for 8 years, a vegan for a year, a "whatever-imma-eat-that" for some time, and then back to vegetarian, then wedding-dress-panic, lemonade cleanse, then strict paleo, etc.  The thing about all these diets, is that I can comfortably say that I have tried A LOT of things, and have discovered what exactly works for me and why.

My whole life I have been active, athletic, and a lover of food.  I remember being 10 years old and being proud that I could eat a whole pizza by myself.  That was a bragging point.   I exercised because it was fun—life was a game and I freakin' owned it.  Bagels were awesome, cheese was amazing, and I’ll have a sprite with my cupcake please.

Then at some point body issues creep in, and I became aware of what "fat" was, became aware of what foods "made me fat" and acutely aware that the opposite sex does not find fat attractive.   I workout because I must, I dieted because that’s the way to win at life, and I drove myself crazy because, goddamnit, I want to be sexy. Cue the diets!!!

I can tell you what eventually worked for me, and how you can do it too.

Step 1. Get rid of your scale. Unless you are trying to lose over 50lbs, the scale will just literally make you crazy. Here I am at 125lbs (the lightest I had been since middle school):

AND here I am at 148lbs (on the heavier side that I've ever been):

Whoa, what a heifer, right?

So, throw out the stupid scale. I fit into the same clothes I did at my wedding weight as I do now. (Unless of course I do a lot of arm/leg stuff one day and I feel all "swole.") If you follow all the other steps, the numbers won't mean anything to you anyway.

2. Stop counting calories. Eating is fun and eating is delicious, and math is not. If you turn your eating into a chore, a punishment, you won't EVER feel satisfied at the end of the meal. Instead, think of your food as a necessary and crucial part of your day. Feed yourself when you're hungry, not when you're bored and stop when you're full. Easier said then done, right? Follow step 5.

3. Do something active each day, but don't always put a measure to it. High intensity training is all the rage, and I wholeheartedly agree that it works, because it does. But there is a limit. Your body needs both low intensity and high intensity to function. Think about high intensity workouts as high stress moments. Imagine if your life consisted of riding roller coasters every single day. Eventually that adrenalin rush or euphoria will lessen its effect. Same thing if you went to a massage every single day. The effectiveness of both decrease over time. But, alternating between high intensity, low intensity, moderate intensity, etc will keep your mind and body on it's toes. Set a goal to workout hard 3-4x a week, while the rest of the week is committed to yoga, walking, light jogging, and/or biking.

4. Start a food/exercise log. This was extremely helpful for me. Not because I wrote down amounts, calories, or nutritional facts, but because I started to see patterns. I noticed that if I skipped breakfast, I usually had a much bigger lunch, had no motivation to workout, and slept poorly. If I ate a really salty snack (chips are my favorite) I craved sweets at night. Just by writing down what I ate and being accountable for my habits, I saw how the choices I made throughout the day effected me for days after.

5. Eat food that makes you feel good. This is the hardest thing for most of us, myself included, to get right. But if you get this right, everything else becomes easier. This is how I finally stopped dieting and just started eating right. The bottom line is you need to find food that makes your mind and body happy. That means food that tastes good going in, feels comfortable moving around inside and is smooth coming out. That doesn't mean eating baked macaroni and cheese because you looooove cheese and pasta, but suffering through bloating and farting for hours. I am not talking about devouring ice cream after a long hot day and suffering through a sugar headache all night and next morning. These are examples of mental comfort food. The foods that we see as "treats" but are not really treats at all. They make us feel sluggish, bloated, gassy, achey, unsexy, and are keeping us fat.

I started this journey of food-happy discovery when I was vegetarian. I realized beef doesn't mesh well with me. We aren't friends, so I avoid him. Then when I began vegan, I realized all those Greek yogurts I was eating made me feel gassy and cheese made me constipated. They were taken off the favorite list. Then I tried paleo, and I realized I don't digest quinoa well and bread makes me feel bleh. But, I still couldn't quite figure out the food-happy concept, and I kept going back and forth between foods I like and foods my body actually likes. Saying to myself, "well I LOVE beer, so I'm going to drink it anyway!" I kept fighting it because I was trying to commit to set "diets" rather than listen to what exactly I needed.

Then in June, I committed to a 3 weeks "cleanse" which focused on specifically finding the foods that did not agree with me. Liz, founder of free + abel, and the host of the cleanse, and I have talked about our love/hate relationship with the word cleanse. Despite it being exactly what it is, "cleanse" has been used recently to describe a "quick fix" for weightloss, which is NOT what this particular cleanse is. The 21-Day Cleanse Liz runs is about much more. It was the final push I needed and provided me with all the proof I needed to change my eating habits for good. Within a week I felt more energy, within 10 days I found my abs, and by the last day, I didn't crave any of the foods I missed. I have kept many of the habits I learned from that cleanse and I am a way happier eater. I think the key was finding the "Rachael diet' or the foods that make my belly happy. There is no book for the Rachael diet, because it's made just for me.

That's how it should be!

Do yourself a favor this Fall and commit to making your mind and body happy. Know that there are days when you fall into old habits, but they will get fewer and fewer. If you are interested in the cleanse, reach out to Liz directly at liz@freeandabel.com. Get in tune with yourself and all the rest becomes easy. Cheers!

Why I hate Yoga, but not as much as I hate CrossFit

Yoga is many things to many people.  And I am not one to tell you want it should be.  I am not going to tell you it's simple stretching, but I'm not going to tell you it's a spiritual experience.  Yoga to me, may not be yoga to you, and that's okay.  In fact, it's hard for me to define what yoga is for myself when I get onto my mat it feels like it is for something new every day.  What I need from yoga today, may not be what I want or need tomorrow.When I teach, I recognize that my students are all different, and do not have the same reasons for coming to me.

More than our own individual experiences with yoga, which inherently makes it different, the yoga community (Western world specifically) has created so many types of yoga.  You have power yoga, acro yoga, aerial yoga, hot yoga, kundalini yoga, ashtunga yoga, yin yoga, Christian yoga (what?!) etc.  Not to mention this overwhelming obsession with handstands that is taking over social media, creating what I'm now referring to Instagram yoga.  There are so many options, so many variations, so many claim-to-fame yoga styles.  It's almost dizzying!   How do you know how and where to begin?  Why even begin at all?

I come across plenty of people who hear the word yoga and immediately cringe.  There have been many times when people tell me directly how much they hate yoga (knowing that I am a teacher, and therefore, at the very least, like yoga.)  When we get to talking, I find out that either a.) they never tried a yoga class and therefore have no real idea if they like it, b.) took one class and got frustrated at how tight and inflexible they were, or c.) are a go-get-after-it type and think yoga is not a "hard enough workout" for their lifestyle.  All three of these reasons to hate yoga come with their own baggage, but I think the overwhelming drive is fear.

Fear that it may make them uncomfortable, fear that it'll be hard, fear that yoga may be humbling and they aren't ready for it.

Ironically, CrossFit has recently suffered a similar fate.  Like wild fire, CrossFit boxes are popping up everywhere.  Each one claims to be the best, to have something others do not.  Mention CrossFit in a group of people and you're bound to have at least one person scrunch their nose at you in disgust.  (Ugh, don't get me started on CrossFit, I had someone say to me at a wedding knowing I am a partner of a CrossFit box.)  But, not unlike yoga, the reasons for hating CrossFit come with a lot of baggage, most rooted in fear or ignorance.  They hate CrossFit, but they've never taken a class.  Or it's way too intense, they could never.  Or CrossFit is too competitive.  They hate CrossFit because "it's cult"or "it's stupid."  Perhaps they have that one friend who started CrossFitting, found a new sense of confidence, a new appreciation for their health, and is telling the world about it.  And god, isn't that annoying?

Like yoga, CrossFit is not the same everywhere with everyone.  Each box has it's own flavor, it's own style. I remember taking my first yoga class in a studio, while attending college.  The teacher was so strange and I hated it.  But, if I never tried yoga again, I wouldn't be here now.  Knowing that it was one teacher, one class, allowed me to give it another shot.  And the next class I took blew me away with awesomeness.  My first experience with CrossFit was Murph, at the CrossFit Reebok One box.  It was a small class of 4 people: my husband, my good friend (and Reebok employee), a random man, and me.  I was uncomfortable, nervous, awkward, and tremendously sore the next 3 days.  BUT, I gave it another shot and loved it.

As I mentioned in my last post, over the years I have found the style of yoga that speaks to me and what I need.  Due to the amount of CrossFit I do now, coupled with years of athletics in my past, I generally approach my practice as a way to heal, rebalance, strengthen, and stretch (both mind and body.)  There are days when the practice mostly gives me mental clarity, emotional calm, and serenity.  Other days, my body hurts so much, that it's all I can do to continue to breathe during suddenly-painful poses.  I started CrossFit because I wanted to find some fight in me, some strength.  I wanted to challenge myself.  Together, I find they are the perfect balance for me.

Now, I am not saying that everyone should love yoga and CrossFit as much as I do.  I believe that everyone has different motivators in life, different goals and priorities.  But at it's core, I believe yoga and CrossFit are for everyone and anyone.  Yoga is essentially the act of harmonizing mind, body, and spirit through physical postures and breath.  The word yoga is derived from a Sanskrit word meaning "to join."  So, at any moment, when you are trying to make yourself feel more whole, that is yoga.  CrossFit is functional fitness.  It is our basic, primal ability to move through our environment as a human being, capable of all things we were naturally made to do.  I think yoga and CrossFit are trying to achieve the same thing.  Disconnect from our man-made systems and connect to ourselves.

Like I said, yoga is many things to many people.  CrossFit is many things, to many people.  Some people move as a way to deal with stress.  Others move because their health depends on it.  Some move to connect to other people, find friends, be part of something.  There are those that move because they want to challenge themselves.

Then there are the ones who move simply because they love it.

I wish we could strip down the labels and call it what it is: mindful movement.  Because if we did that, I know more people would try it.  All I  can hope is that you find your yoga, your fitness, and you rock it.

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